


a heart can't smile if it's filled with tears

by rroranicus



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And angsty, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, SO, i felt really sad, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1458826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rroranicus/pseuds/rroranicus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky may not be important to the world, but he sure as hell was important to one person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a heart can't smile if it's filled with tears

**Author's Note:**

> WOW LOOK I MADE A FIC  
> This is actually my first fic in a while and my first fic in ao3 so yeah.  
> I didn't proofread this at all and it's 12 am and i felt sad so yeah  
> sorry

Bucky never thought of himself as important. He wasn’t some sort of smart guy who could solve problems instantaneously. Nor was he the kind of guy who’d always help old women cross the street and help them with their groceries. No. That was Steve’s job. Steve was the guy who helped people, no matter the cost. He’d always help tourists when they were walking the street or stray cats when rain starts pouring down. Steve was practically the epitome of kindness.

The only problem was that people abused his kindness.

They thought of his good heart as a weakness and chose to tease him for that. Calling Steve words that degraded him for being nice. Despite his kind heart, Steve always was a stubborn kid who wanted to prove that he was not weak.

Bucky never thought he was.

But Bucky knew that Steve couldn’t fight those fights alone. Which is why whenever Steve was cornered in an alley and curling his fists, preparing for a challenge, Bucky would always come and rescue him before he got severely hurt. Bucky would leave some bruises here and there on the guy to give him a silent warning to not mess with Steve and make him scamper away.

“I could’ve handled the fight myself.” Steve would say with such confidence, even though he had a deep cut on his lip that bled a lot more than it should. Bucky would just chuckle with fondness and grab Steve to mess up his hair.

“You keep telling yourself that, Steve-o.” Bucky replies with a smile as they walk off.

Bucky may not be important to the world, but he sure as hell was important to one person.

**~*~**

The next time Bucky sees Steve, he’s not Steve.

At least, not the Steve that Bucky left behind.

He’s bigger now and more buff, with enough strength to even carry Bucky rather than the usual other way around. This makes Bucky momentarily question just how long he was unconscious, wondering if it had already been years and Steve just worked out a lot. However, Bucky realizes that instead of years, it had only been months, which makes everything even harder to believe.

“So they put you inside a machine that could’ve killed ya, but instead made you stronger than me?” Bucky jokes, a glass of beer in his hand as he takes a slight sip. Steve only chuckles next to him.

“That’s one way to put it, yeah.” Steve has a glass of beer in his hand too, except he’s just swirling it around and not drinking as much.

“So, I’m guessing you don’t need me know huh, Steve-o?” Bucky always liked to joke, but there’s a tone of indifference in the way he says this and he hopes that Steve doesn’t notice.

But of course he does.

The smile on Steve’s face disappears immediately and is filled with eyes of worry and guilt. Bucky doesn’t want to see that face. Doesn’t want Steve to pity him or anything, but Bucky can’t seem to look away as he stares Steve down.

“Bucky, no—“ And that’s all Steve says before one of the Howling Commandos, probably Dum Dum, approaches Steve and grabs his attention and Steve, being the kind-hearted asshole he is, gives him his undivided attention. Because that’s what he is now. He’s a leader to these people. He serves as a symbol of hope and freedom in this chaos of a war. And it makes Bucky feel a pang in his chest because the feeling was so familiar to him once before. A long time ago, it seemed.

Bucky downs his glass as he slips away quietly.

**~*~**

Bucky wakes up and stares at the ceiling above him. He shivers a bit from the cold, which is common because the air condition in the Stark Tower is ridiculous. Bucky blinks for a moment before looking at the table beside his bed for the clock. The numbers ‘2:47 AM’ are lit up for Bucky to see in the dark and Bucky merely sighs. Another sleepless night, he realizes. He stands up and heads to the kitchen, ready to make himself a cup of coffee.

His steps are quiet, something that he learned after being a trained assassin and being brainwashed and the like. He walks down the stairs and into the room on the right, only to realize that the lights are already on and that he isn’t alone.

He enters the room and blinks at Steve.

“Can’t sleep?” Steve says and Bucky nods.

“I was gonna make myself a cup of coffee.” Bucky says as he walks past Steve for the coffee machine that is, not surprisingly, holographic and voice activated. “A cup of coffee. Black.” Is all Bucky says before he leans back and waits for it to be finished. He looks behind him and sees Steve, who is staring at him. “What?” Bucky says, his smirk plastered on his face.

“Nothing.” Steve smiles now, looking down at his feet. “It’s just—“ Steve takes a deep breathe. “I sometimes still can’t believe you’re here.” Bucky purses his lips into a thin line.

“Neither can I.” Is what he says and Steve raises his head to look at Bucky properly.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Bucky.” Steve says with gratitude evident in his voice and Bucky feels another pang in his chest. “I’m so glad you’re staying because I’m sure you’ll be a great addition to the team and all and you’ve been getting along with them well and—“

“Am I really that good of an addition, though?” Bucky can’t help the bitter sound of his words. He’s not sure where this whole thing is coming from. But somewhere, deep inside him, he feels like he should address this to Steve. About how he feels weird about Steve being the one in charge.

“What?” Steve is obviously taken aback by the question, and then his face turns into one of understanding. “Of course. You’d be an amazing addition, Bucky.” Steve says.

“But, I mean, I killed a whole lot of people back then.” Bucky’s words grow fainter and Steve’s face tightens. “I don’t think I deserve to even be helping them.”

“No, Bucky—“

“Steve.” Steve shuts up instantly. Bucky takes a deep breath. “I just don’t think I can help you. You can obviously take care of yourself. You don’t need me.” Bucky hates showing off his feelings. He’s not the emotional type of person. But right at this moment? After everything? When one finds out that his best friend who used to always look up to him suddenly becomes even better than him and learned that instead of helping people like he has always dreamed of, he ended up killing thousands more, is enough to make a person insane. The sudden change of atmosphere makes Steve silent, who goes back to staring at the floor.

The machine for the coffee beeps.

Bucky sighs. He grabs his cup of coffee and approaches Steve, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not mad at you, Steve.” Steve looks at him like a puppy that had just been kicked and Bucky feels like an asshole. “I’m just,” Bucky pauses. He’s not sure what he is. “I’m just not handling this whole ‘waking-up-in-a-new-time-and-being-brainwashed’ thing well.” He decides to end it on that. Hopefully Steve puts this whole conversation behind him and they never talk about it again. Bucky will probably be leaving in the morning though, since his presence will obviously make Steve uncomfortable. Bucky imagines where he’d stay. Probably in the apartment complex around the corner. It’s a nice place, really. And the ladies are pretty and—

“No, Bucky.” Suddenly there’s a hand around Bucky’s wrist and he’s being pulled backwards, his body only inches away from Steve’s.

“Jesus, Steve!” Bucky exclaims, the coffee cup still in hand. “You almost made me drop it.”

“Don’t think that you’re not a good addition to the team, Buck.” Steve says, his voice serious. “Heck, maybe you’re even better than the whole team combined.” Bucky opens his mouth to retort but Steve starts talking again. “I should’ve told you this back then, Bucky. I may be like this now,” He pauses to gesture at himself. “But that doesn’t change who I am inside.”

“I know that—“

“I know you do.” Steve says. “But I don’t think you understand that. I may seem like I always have it under control. That I always lead the team well and always know the right thing to do.” Steve’s voice begins to break. Bucky continues to stare at Steve. “But I don’t always do. I mess up. I cry myself to sleep. I’m not used to all this…. Attention.” Steve’s eyes close and Bucky feels the grip on his wrist loosen. “And I don’t even need the attention most of the time. And that’s the reason why I need you, Buck.” Bucky furrows his eyebrows a bit, not completely understanding Steve’s statement. “Because in the end, the only attention I need is from you. “ Steve finally opens his eyes and looks at Bucky dead in the eye. “You’ve always been there for me, and I don’t really want that to end. I need to know that even when I screw up, that you’d be there for me. That you’d be there to crack a joke and I’ll always remember that people do screw up and then I’d laugh along, no matter how corny it is, and that you’d always pat my back and tell me it’s gonna be better tomorrow and I needed that every day since I woke up in this new time.” Steve has stopped now, and he’s breathing heavily. Obviously tired from the sudden burst of emotions but it was needed. Bucky continues to stare at Steve before he smiles.

“Are my jokes really that corny?” And Steve’s expectant face just turns into a fond smile and mutters something that sounds like ‘typical Bucky’.

“Yeah. They are.” Steve grins and Bucky smiles, genuinely this time.

“You’re a jerk” Bucky says and Steve sighs with relief.

“C’mere, Punk.” Bucky blinks as he’s being pulled once again near Steve. “I need to do something just to prove that I do need you.” Bucky looks confused once more but then Steve has his lips against Bucky and now everything feels so familiar once more. Bucky raises his hands around Steve’s neck as they deepen the kiss, with Steve’s hands circling at Bucky’s waist. They break the kiss and they’re both smiling like idiots they are.

“Did you really wait 70 years to do that?” Bucky teases and Steve blushes. This makes Bucky laugh a bit louder. “We’ve got some catching up to do, then.” Bucky grins, his hand caressing Steve’s cheeks as Steve only grins to lean down and kiss Bucky some more.

Bucky is definitely not an important man, unlike Steve. But every time Steve looks at Bucky and Bucky sees the complete and utter relief and joy in Steve’s eyes, he realizes that it’s not important; that as long as Steve needs Bucky, he’ll be there.

**Author's Note:**

> Wooo thanks for reading!! Hehhee  
> Title of the fic comes from Holdin' On Together by Phoenix btw c:


End file.
